Coming Out From Behind The False Veneer of Perfection

There is no other way to say this than to tell you that my family is going through a storm in our current lives. I try to keep things positive here on the blog, so I have refrained from saying anything about what has been happening. But I feel now is the time, because my family could really use some prayers.

Last weekend I attended the Beautiful You Conference here in D.C. where I got to hear Priscilla Shirer, Christine Caine and Donna Pisani speak. The weekend was incredible, so uplifting and just what I needed. There was a theme throughout the weekend of being fearless and to keep pushing on, trusting that God will deliver the blessings He promises. I KNOW that He will because He has so many other times in my life and this is something I have been clinging to during our time of trial. Hearing these powerful women preach and speak right into my situation was helpful. In one of her messages, Priscilla Shirer gave some practical tips on navigating a trial - and one of those was to own your situation, to come out from behind the false veneer of perfection. And that my dear friends is what I am doing. I'm not perfect, life isn't perfect and no matter how hard I try to fight them - obstacles will occasionally disrupt my life.

Back in February, I left my full time job because I was insanely unhappy. I had been unhappy for several months and unfortunately my unhappiness with my job had started to come into my personal life. I was NOT ok with having my work life disrupt my family life. So Tolar and I made the decision that it would be best for me to leave my job and look elsewhere for an environment that made me happy. It was a bittersweet decision because I had been with the theatre for over 6 years, in fact I once even considered my job to be my dream job. But it was time to leave. Luckily right before we made the decision for me to quit my job, I became a consultant with Rodan and Fields, which has been an amazing blessing to our family. I see now that God lined it up for me to start Rodan and Fields to help us navigate this tough time.

Once I left the theatre, I started interviewing for new jobs and was actually being considered for two different positions when Tolar and I had a heart to heart. We both truly believe that Rodan and Fields is an amazing company and that the earning potential is huge. I really wanted to stay home with Baby K and Tolar also had a desire to make that happen. So we prayed about it and decided that I would stop applying/interviewing for jobs and that I would stay home full time with Baby K, working my Rodan and Fields business on the side. I was so excited! This is what I always wanted. So I contacted the hiring managers for the jobs I was being considered and respectfully removed my name from the running. That was on a Friday. The following Thursday we found out the worst...Tolar lost his job.

We didn't see that coming at all. And it has been a struggle to remain positive, to stay faithful and to see the good through all of this. We KNOW there is good. I mean Tolar and I both get to spend extra time with Baby K. She isn't going to stay this little forever, so it is a blessing that we have this opportunity to all be together. But being the type A, control freak that I am - this has been the scariest and most stressful time of my life. Of course, our first fear was how are we going to pay our mortgage in Northern Virginia, one of the highest cost of living places to live, with no full time jobs? The money is going to run out very quickly.

Luckily, back when we first got married we took a Financial Peace University course which set us up for success during a time like this. Besides our mortgage, we have zero debt. Everything is paid off and we only pay cash for things. If we must put something on a credit card, we pay it off because carrying debt is not an option for us. Plus, we had some savings built up. So we were at least lucky in that aspect. But still covering our mortgage was going to eat through our savings at a rapid pace.

We put our house on the market and it sold within 11 days. Thank you Jesus! If we needed a sign that God was in our situation, that was it! The sad part now is that we are moving out of the Northern Virginia/DC area. We knew we always wanted to move elsewhere, we just didn't think it would be so soon.  We have built a nice life here. We belong to an incredible church, have amazing friends and were finally getting down the whole parenting thing. But we are taking this opportunity as a sign - a clear sign - that it is our time to move on.

We aren't exactly sure what is next. It is looking like we are going to move to Southwest Virginia and live with my insanely supportive parents until we figure out what is next. Tolar is interviewing and applying for jobs constantly, but we haven't found the right match just yet. He's had some awesome opportunities and even got some job offers, but they weren't what we were needing. Before I even had to ask, my parents offered for the three of us to move into their house with them. Again, if we needed a sign that God loves us and is taking care of us, even during a tough situation, having my parents open their home to us is a huge sign. My prayer for others is that they will also have a supportive and amazing family just like we have - both my family and Tolar's family. We are so lucky to have our families surrounding us during this time.

I'm writing all of this to explain why I've occasionally been a bit distant from the blog and to also tell you that life is getting ready to get real interesting. We close on our house at the end of June and will pack everything up and head to my parents. We aren't sure how long we will be there, but we are grateful that we have a place to go.

God shows us daily that He is fighting alongside of us and is working things out for us. One of my favorite ways that God showed up for us was when two friends prayed over us at two separate times in the same day. We stopped in to see my friends Julie and Melissa for two different reasons and both women would not let us leave their homes without praying over us. They didn't have to do that and they probably have no clue how much they touched us by agreeing with us that God WILL prevail in this situation. That we WILL come out of this stronger on the other side. That is just one example of us sensing God's presence, there have been so many more.

We are fighters and we have each other. So we will get through this. It might be longer than I had planned, but its always interesting when you tell God YOUR plans. :) I write all of this to you to just ask you to pray for my family. Even though we are faithful and even though we believe in everything we do, we would still love you to join us in prayer. We know that Jesus is setting everything up for us to catch a real glimpse of Him, for us to encounter Him in a big way and WE ARE EXPECTANT. So I'd love your prayers; for protection during this tough time, for a smooth transition, for a job (or a return to school!) for Tolar and for us to always stand firm on the promises that God offers to us. He has a plan for us, to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) and we cannot wait to see what He has in store.